Suicide Squad
by Fictionstv
Summary: The Joker has escaped to Moldova, so the US government sends in an elite squad of expendables to take him out. Suspicious of the government's intentions, Batman does his own pursuit. It will be a race to see who will get to the Joker first before he initiates the apocalypse.


**Suicide Squad**

Deadshot was minding his own business going shopping with his young daughter in Gotham City when the Batman suddenly showed up. "I'm going to kick your ass in front of your daughter, Deadshot," Batman grinned.

"You've been following me," Deadshot realized.

"Yeah," Batman replied.

"So, you just let me kill a guy today and did nothing to stop it?" Deadshot asked.

"It was during the day," Batman said defensively.

"Oh, I see. So, you were watching me," Deadshot caught him.

"Look Deadshot, I'm not here to solve crimes anymore," Batman said getting close to Deadshot's face.

"What?" Deadshot asked confused.

"I'm here to kick ass. Now, bend over," Batman ordered.

"Fuck you, bat-cracker," Deadshot said taking out a gun.

The fight was on with Deadshot missing Batman right in front of him. "Really? How could you miss at this range?" Batman chided and then punched Deadshot to the ground.

"Do not test me!" Deadshot said taking aim at Batman.

Batman grabbed his daughter and used her as a human shield. "Daddy!" she screamed.

"Let her go," Deadshot demanded.

"Not a chance," Batman grinned.

Police cars then approached and put their guns on Deadshot. "Really, man?" Deadshot said as he hung his head and lowered his weapon.

Batman let the freaked-out girl go and then approached Deadshot. "You should have stuck to killing aliens."

"Low blow," Deadshot said as police arrested him and disarmed him.

Deadshot was placed on his knees with his hands behind his back. "He's resisting arrest," the white officer said as he handcuffed him.

"What the fuck?" Deadshot said as he was tackled by several officers and beaten with batons.

"Mind being our witness?" the cop asked Batman.

"No problem," Batman said as Deadshot got a beating. He signed "The Batman" on the form.

"Thanks," the cop said appreciatively.

Batman then lowered himself to the girl's level. "I'm all alone now," she said fearfully.

Batman nodded in understanding. "How do you feel about Bats?"

* * *

Dr. Harley Quinn came into Joker's cell one day for a therapy session. "There's something I need from you," Joker began.

"What is it?" Quinn asked thoroughly amused by her patient.

"A machine gun," Joker said seriously.

"Really?" Quinn smirked. "Are you joking?"

Joker stared at her with a grinning face. "Do I look like I'm joking?" he asked.

"Yeah," Quinn said confused.

"I have to get out. I need to do...things," Joker pressed.

"What are you going to do with it once I give it to you?" Quinn asked hypothetically.

"I'm going to kill a lot of people," Joker said honestly.

"You're going about this the wrong way, Mr. J. You need a machine gun because it is your constitutional right to bear arms," Quinn said.

"Now, we're talking," Joker agreed.

"Just because you're a felon doesn't mean you should be deprived of your rights," Quinn continued.

"You know, these rights you speak of, it's a bad joke. These rights come from corrupt judges and lawyers. It's all a way to make us feel like we're in control. Introduce a little anarchy into the system and then you'll have freedom," Joker said.

"Alright, well, you've persuaded me to switch my vote from communist to socialist. I feel you have had a real effect on me, Mr. J," Quinn said appreciatively.

"This is just the beginning," Joker replied.

* * *

With the help of some thugs wearing animal helmets, Joker escaped and proceeded to torture Quinn with electric shock therapy. "Are you going to kill me?" she asked fearfully.

"No, I'm just going to hurt you really really badly," Joker replied. "I'm going to turn you into a Republican."

"No!" she screamed as he cranked the voltage.

* * *

Later, Joker was with Harley at a chemical factory. "I want you to fall in that," Joker told her.

"Really, Mr. J?" Harley asked him.

"Yeah," he said nonchalantly.

Harley looked at the white bubbling chemicals. She closed her eyes and threw herself over the ledge. "Hmmm...," he said as she didn't come up.

Finally, Quinn emerged from the chemicals gasping and completely bleached. "Tada! You're a winner," Joker said to Quinn and then walked off.

* * *

That night, Harley Quinn, as the queen of crime, was born. One night, Joker entered a club and met with the rapper, Ice Tea. Harley was having fun as a pole dancer.

"You...like what you see?" Joker asked Tea casually referring to Harley.

"Yeah, dawg. She's a hawt bitch," Tea smiled.

"Let's wind the clock back a few seconds and start over," Joker said offended.

"I'm sorry. I meant no disrespect. She's a lovely lady," Tea backtracked.

Joker wasn't satisfied and took out a gun. Tea looked at Joker freaked out. "Let's play a game," Joker said and then revealed a bunch of grenades in his coat all tied to a string.

"Holy shit!" Tea said freaked out.

"Pull the string," Joker ordered.

"No way, man," Tea resisted.

"Pull the string or I shoot you," Joker said aiming the pistol at Tea's face.

"You crazy, man. Put the gun down," Tea said fearfully.

"All you have to do is pull the string," Joker said as if it were nothing.

"No," Tea shook his head.

Harley came over to the couch. "Harley, will you pull the string for me?" Joker asked.

"Of course, pudding," Harley grinned and pulled the string.

"No!" Tea said and reached for Harley's hand before she could detonate a half-dozen grenades at once.

Joker fired killing Tea instantly. "Mr. J, the string is caught," Harley said flustered.

"Oh really?" Joker said and laughed hysterically.

* * *

Joker drove a large semi-truck and tossed a number of cars out of his way as he drove through Gotham streets. Harley was having the time of her life in the passenger seat. The Batmobile accelerated towards them.

"That's a Batman," Joker said amused.

"He always ruins the fun," Harley complained.

"On the contrary, let's put a smile on his face," Joker said giddily.

Batman opened fire blasting the semi-truck's tires slowing it down. The semi-truck lost control hitting more cars. The Batmobile then fired missiles blasting the truck. The semi-truck went straight into the bay and disappeared. The Batmobile stopped near the end of the street looking over the bay. Batman then leaped into the bay and found Harley outside the vehicle. He pulled her hair and she tried to fight him in response. He punched her to the face knocking her out and then took her onto land.

"You're my bitch, now," Batman said putting her in his car.

* * *

Captain Boomerang tried to rob a Gotham bank but was soon caught by the Batman. He threw a boomerang at Batman which he easily blocked with a wrist guard. "Really, guy? A boomerang?" Batman scoffed.

"No need to be rude, mate. As I recall, you use boomerangs too," he said defensively.

"Yeah, but I have a hundred other gadgets in my utility belt," Batman pointed out.

"I don't think they can all fit inside that tiny looking belt," Boomerang doubted.

Batman took out his batarang and threw it at Boomerang knocking him out. "This has got to be the lamest villain I have ever caught," Batman grumbled.

* * *

Chato Santana aka El Diablo was literally on fire outside his house. Batman arrived too late to save the wife and kids. "I surrender," Santana said holding his hands up.

"Just to be sure," Batman said and then froze him solid with his freeze gun he had collected from Mr. Freeze.

Cops then showed up to the scene and took the human Popsicle away.

* * *

Batman found himself in the sewers again and battled Killer Croc. First, he threw a grenade into the sewers stunning Croc. Then he went inside the sewers and used a TASER on him. After that, Batman began beating the human reptile nearly to death.

"What did you think of that?" Batman asked as he subdued Croc.

"Spiderman...did it better," he replied.

"Fuck you," Batman said and knocked him out.

* * *

Amanda Waller was having dinner with defense officials as she detailed her plan. "You know, Amanda, talking about assassins, clowns, the devil, and a crocodile has ruined my appetite," the defense official said.

"Fortunately, I don't give a shit," Amanda replied.

"You want to put our national security in the hands of these freaks?" he asked.

"We have intelligence that the Joker has reemerged in Moldova," Amanda began.

"Where the fuck is Moldova?" the defense official wondered.

"Anyway, we can't send US special forces there without offending the Russians and violating Moldavian sovereignty. We require a team of expendables," Amanda said.

"I got just the guy. His name is Barney Ross," the defense official suggested.

"No, we need criminals to do this so that we can eliminate them if need be and not have to pay them," Amanda rejected.

"What makes you think you can control them?" the defense official asked.

"I am going to put a bomb collar on their neck and put my best man in charge of them. He can kill them at any time if they attempt to escape or get out of line," Amanda said.

"Why can't we get the Batman to do it?" the defense official asked.

"I have already taken him into account. No one asks the Batman to do anything. He just shows up," Amanda smiled

"Honestly, Amanda, this sounds really convoluted and could easily backfire. I'm going to need a few more drinks before I agree to this plan," the defense official said.

* * *

At the Pentagon, the Defense Secretary casually asked a hypothetical. "What if Supergirl were to break into the White House and take the president away with her?" he asked.

"Well, Sir, we would be fucked," a General replied.

"Is that all you got for me?" the Defense Secretary said unimpressed.

"Honestly, there is little we can do. However, Batman is just a man, and he managed to kick her ass," an official mentioned.

"How did he do it?" the Defense Secretary asked curiously.

"Using Kryptonite; a company named Lex Corp. acquired the Kryptonite and then Batman stole it from him. We're looking for any additional sources of Kryptonite," the official said.

"What else we got?" the Defense Secretary asked.

"Air Force pilot Lt. Hal Jordan recently acquired a ring of unlimited power. He can be trusted to promote American interests. Diana Prince, also known as Wonder Woman, fought for the United States during World War I. Barry Allen, the Flash, is a forensic investigator for Central City. Victor Stone, Cyborg, is an all-American former football star for Gotham City College. I think we can generally trust these people," Amanda said.

"So, why not send these people to Moldova to take out the Joker?" the Defense Secretary asked.

"Their presence is too noticeable, and they're already associated with American meta-human fire power. We need dangerous people not associated with the US government and can be easily silenced if they go rogue," Amanda said.

"Let's get that son-of-a-bitch," the Defense Secretary smiled.


End file.
